day eighteen induction -15 lbs

i have yet to jump that scale today. i am really hoping i do good today. i would love to see 193 today. i will take 194 of course too but i would love to see a small number today.
i drank almost another gallon of water yesterday. and i didnt eat all my 20 net carbs. my face is really really warm to the touch and my urine smelled almost like cake the yesterday.
i had a screwed up dream last night. i was eating my favorite shrimp from panda express. well we went to this store and we were trying to steal things. but i had a bird with me in a cage and it was my bird. and this isnt the first time i have had a dream about a bird recently. now its a recurring thing. so i just looked up what bird in a dream meant:
Bird 
To see birds in your dream, symbolizes your goals, aspirations and hopes. To dream of chirping and/or flying birds, represents joy, harmony, ecstasy, balance, and love. It denotes a sunny outlook in life. You are experiencing spiritual freedom and psychological liberation. It is almost as if a weight has been lifted off your shoulders




then i was at this store with other people and i was eating my favorite food with them so i looked that up too
To dream that you are eating with others, signifies harmony, intimacy, merriness, prosperous undertakings, personal gain, and/or joyous spirits.


when i was eating with them i was thinking first i need to say no because i cant have that and i actually checked the carbs on the stuff before i ate it and it was very low so i just ate it!! 
i love my walnut shrimp from panda but i have not had it since a month.
i know its tooo bad for me.
but in my dream i was mutually happy. for the most part it was a good dream. 
i had a dream we bought a house the night before. and we were so happy dustin was off his rocker happy. it was sooo good to see him like that.
well here i go: drum roll please......................oh my GOD!!!!! 192!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
that means   i have lost 15 pounds in 18 days.
12 pounds left to go until i reach my 180 goal XD


GOAL 1: 197 MET!!! estimated hit date 9/5
GOAL 2: 192 MET!!! estimated hit date 9/10 hit 9/14
GOAL 3: 190 estimated hit date 9/12
GOAL 4: 188 estimated hit date 9/14
GOAL 5: 186 estimated hit date 9/16
GOAL 6: 184 estimated hit date 9/18
GOAL 7: 182 estimated hit date 9/20
GOAL 8: 180 estimated hit date 9/22
GOAL 9: 178 estimated hit date 9/24
GOAL 10: 176 estimated hit date 9/26
GOAL 11: 174 estimated hit date 9/28
GOAL 12: 172 estimated hit date 9/30
GOAL 13: 170 estimated hit date 10/2
GOAL 14: 168 estimated hit date 10/4
GOAL 15:  166 estimated hit date 10/6
GOAL 16: 164 estimated hit date 10/8
GOAL 17: 162 estimated hit date 10/10
GOAL 18: 160 estimated hit date 10/12
GOAL 19: 158 estimated hit date 10/14
GOAL 20: 156 estimated hit date 10/16
GOAL 21: 154 estimated hit date 10/18
GOAL 22: 153 estimated hit date 10/19


i love how my font changes LOL
so i feel great about that. i feel so happy that i lost the 15 lbs. 15!!!! oh shit!!! amazing!!! that means that i have only a few lbs to 180. that means i can reach 180 probably by the end of the month. ha ha ha im sitting here going jeez i would like to see 193 today or 194 and i hit 192!!! remarkable!!
outstanding!!! i feel so great about this. but i cant really jump up and down yet cause dustin is sleeping. i wanted to wake him up ahhhhH!!!! LOST15 FUCKING POUNDS!!!!


i am so impressed. dustin gave me a high five!!
i was just thinking of my friend and how she was literally freaking out saying how skinny i was getting. she was so impressed with me and my weight loss. 
she told me if chris ever saw me he would be flipping out like why did i ever let her go!! lol
juan would be doing the same fucking thing too. im just saying at the end of the month i will be 180 again. that means my new pants wont fit and everything i own will be getting pretty saggy on me. 
im so fucking happy. if i hit 190 tomorrow i think i will freak out. i dont think i will freak out until i see 188. then ill know  im going the right way.
and then when i hit 179 that will be the thinnest i will ever have been.
and then 153 will be right around the corner and then i will start doing my maintenance. wow i need to go to my atkins bulletin board and write this down too 
boyfriend is depressed and makes me feel kind of bad for having a life. he's like in this poor me stage. just like his mom. it bums me out. i dont know what to do and he's like wanting me to spend time with him but if he did chores during my work and school hours i would have more time for him during my off time. 
































i am really getting sick of people who are all about poor me status.
maybe because im not like that. i cant stand people who think that they cant be happy my boyfriend is like that right now. all he wants is attention from me and i have stuff i want to get done and stuff i need to get done then it makes me feel bad when he doesnt get it


god he is so angry about losing the house. his ex really fucked him over. hes losing the house because of her stupid ass. im telling him i am here for you and just tell me what i can do his pride and ego are at hurt right now. its fucked up.
he is given 4 months to pay about 10,000 dollars for the house and he's worried since he's unemployed that where will money come from if we leave. he just wants someone to take care of him. fuck that. im pissed now but i know i have to be supportive. 
im fucking mad because he thinks i do nothing for him, but i took him out all the time, spent about 300 bucks on new clothes for him maybe more. gave him gas money bought 300 bucks worth of groceries, made him breakfast in bed, does his laundry cleans and cooks for his lazy ass but he is depressed and i have to be supportive. 
what a hard time in my relationship. i feel like i might have to let go to progress some more.
or do i stay and work on this and try to work as hard as i can with 2 jobs so i can support us 2 just like i have done with my last 2 relationships.
is he worth it? well back in the day they were both  worth it.
come to find out now no they werent 
i dont know what i can do. he's angry right now in the shower. 
i fucking hate this.
its only been 6 months.
things arent as bad as my last relationships because usually when we get done arguing we fix the problem right away and were good.
he's so angry about the house and doesnt know what to do next. im angry because i dont know how to fix it.
i think i need to move out.
then i think we need to stay here for as long as possible with free rent and then save our money to get a place to rent. 
that is the smartest thing to do right now. i dont plan to go to nursing school until next year. 
he needs to get a fucking job. he is so picky about where he'll work saying that he wont work for 9 bucks an hour. i say money is money and you get a job where you can. i make 9 bucks an hour and im making money its not a whole lot but it will do for now. 
so from now until we need to leave i can save up some money and he can too. 
i swear hes a jew. he's so upset about money and he has like 3 grand in the bank right now.  he says when we leave that he doesnt want to spend his money on a new place. that it will make him angry if he has to use his saved money.
what the fuck. money is made to be spent. 
is what i think. if you NEED A HOME SPEND THE MONEY!!!
its not wasting if you need to spend the money on somewhere to live. it is wasting money if you "need" to buy a pair of dolce and gobana sandals

so i ran today. one mile in about 11.5  minutes.  i fucking rock!!!
i ran at 6.6 mph, for a few minutes and then kept an average of 6.0 mph i am getting a much better at my recovery time and my chest never hurts. my goal for next week is to cut that by .5 minutes. thats quite a bit but i know i can do it!!
today i had everything pretty much well planned out. i am doing sooooo good!! super proud of myself for all the right reasons <3 i love to run!!